THANK YOU MISTER TRUCK DRIVER

I was about 4 or maybe 5 and it was during a move across country. I can recall snippets of the moment. A terrible accident ended with a truck driver sacrificing his life for my family's and from time to time I think about it. So during these times of uncertainty, thank you mister truck driver for allowing me to experience these moments of uncertainty...

Small Memories to Thank a Stranger

Today I learned the difference between good and evil and I'm not sure if dad will come home for dinner. Two planes hit these tall buildings and I don't understand how that happened because I thought planes were supposed to stay in the air. I guess I shouldn't ask anymore questions because I wasn't supposed to see that.

I turn the key and Weasley roars to life. The whole world has become accessible to me at the mercy of a sixteen year-old station wagon that regularly disobeys my demands to accelerate. I can go wherever I want, or so I think except I wasn't supposed to be driving.

"Turn your tassel" says a voice from far away. Objects fly in the air and white noise sifts into rushed conversations of "stay in touch" and "let's hang out soon." I am pulled into hugs and signing pages and huddled into pictures. The ink from my notes won't stay on the page and my face keeps fading from the photos.

Our parents are here and against all odds the weather decided to cooperate. My best friend is giving me the same little thumbs up she did back in middle school when I'd have to do a science presentation. Those always made me nervous. Is he nervous too? He's making a life-long commitment to the pile of taffeta that's walking closer to him. Now I'm laughing to myself thinking of the imagery, luckily no one can hear me because this never happened.

I will not let anyone see these tears but I cannot believe the moment is here. I want more nights of gently rocking you in my arms before dozing off to sleep. I want more time to build pillow forts and hang your art work on the refrigerator. I'm not ready to send my child off into the world but I say "goodbye" one last time. I reach out for one last embrace but no one feels my touch.

I am recalling all of these small moments from my memory. They say your life flashes before your eyes one last time before you go. Well, they were right, but you know that by now. It's strange how some memories are shown for longer and in more detail while others appear to be a flicker. I wasn't supposed to have these memories. I wasn't supposed to be in any of them. I was supposed to go before my life began but you decided I was meant to stay.

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