RECOVERY

"In the unlikely event, there is a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the compartment above you. You should put your mask on first before helping others."

This statement by the flight attendants confused me. I had it in my head that one should help others before helping themselves. Makes sense right?

So I did this. I lived by helping those around me put their oxygen masks on first.

I threw a couple more dollars on the table before my coworker collected their tip because damn it if one more guest screwed them over that day.

I stayed to clean up. It was the end of an overnight shift and I had a final exam scheduled five hours later but I didn't want the opening shift to deal with the mess so I thought I would just pull an all-nighter.

I lied about how much money I was owed for buying groceries because living on a budget is hard and I wanted to make sure they were eating enough.

I drove them home at 4:00 in the morning. They could have stayed there all night but, they were able to wake up in their own bed and at least I would knew they made it home safely.

I lied and said I didn't love him because what is love at this age anyways and no one should settle down before they've had the chance to live.

I was about to go home but I offered to do her paperwork and make those calls so she could spend time with her kid and since I don't have one I guess it was only fair.

I heard the alarms go off and I continued to press “snooze.” I can do it all, I made it out here and it was difficult but I can see these commitments through. I can continue helping others. But I can’t, because the pressure in the cabin has been dropping for quite some time. The ringing in my ears is getting louder and it’s hard to hear. The pink and green swirls in my eyes are becoming more vivid. There’s only a few people that need help with their mask. If I continue to push through I can do it.

My lungs hurt and there is a tingling sensation coming over me.

Put the mask on now.

My body is starting to fall asleep and it feels so good I want to give in. But giving in to death is not an individual choice.

I command my arms to reach up and grab the mask but the strap is out of focus and my fingers aren’t quite long enough. I start to panic. I allowed my stubbornness to lead me to this point. I am not ready to go, I have so much left to do.

I am useless. I cannot continue helping others when I cannot help myself. I have minutes left. I give into the panic and use the last bit of adrenaline to fuel my upper body and grab the mask.

I put the mask on and breathe. It hurts and it’s painful. I realize now that by putting off my lifeline it is going to take longer to recover. I did not do as much as I wanted to. I did not help everyone that I was supposed to. I did not finish out my commitments.

I am on my way to recovering. Each breath fills my lungs and my heart beats faster. I am still paralyzed from exhaustion. My body isn’t ready to move but my brain is firing actions. It’s going to take longer for my body and heart to catch up to my brain but the brain functions to survive while the body goes along with it.

A heart can continue to beat with the help of machines but the brain only lives once. 

###

cng